The most common and consistent word used to describe me is and has always been “organized,” usually with some superlative added to the beginning to denote the heightened nature of the description. It’s one of those observations that transcends time and social groups to the point of my actually taking notice. “Funny,” “hard-working,” “sweet,” “dedicated,” or “mind-fuckingly frightening*” all make the rounds from time to time based on the perceptions and biases of the observer, but “organized” is a constant and accepted truth of Jen no matter when or where you ask.
To be fair, we’re talking about someone who gets overly excited about office supplies and The Container Store. Someone who twice a year buys an econo-pack of tape for her badass label gun so that everything in her domain has a clearly marked place. Someone who once wrote to Martha Stewart, queen of crafting and organizational guru, with a heavy-handed critique of some of Ms. Stewart’s “new year, new you!” organize-your-life suggestions because, let’s be honest, mine were more efficient and cost-effective. I’m methodical to a fault and a stickler for both details and punctuality. People gravitate toward my leadership based mainly on the belief that in any given situation, I’m the one who usually has a plan. And usually, I do.
Which is why the past few months have left me so off kilter.
You see, 2015 started off with a plan. It was a solid plan. The plan had specific objectives and defined goals and a timeline and a delegation of resources. It was ambitious in some aspects, conservative in others. And it was absolutely exhilarating. The plan intentionally pushed me well outside of my comfort zone and involved the often dangerous chemistry of mixing social and professional circles in such a way as to improve the overall whole. But that danger, too, could be overcome with open communication and careful assessment of each step. The results ended up being better than anticipated, but it could just as easily have gone the other way – had there not been a plan. It was going to involve a lot of time and work, but I was prepared for it.
What I was not prepared for, however, was for the plan I had envisioned as kind of like a ride in a comfortable private plane, gliding gently through the clouds, to instead take off like a rocket with me holding on by a string. For as much as certain people chide me for being impatient, none of the projects and goals I set out for the last year were pushed well ahead of schedule by my own doing; instead, it was more a series of “I have this idea…” conversations with friends and colleagues who immediately responded with not just pledges of support, but also immediate follow through. Need show topic ideas? No problem. Help organizing the first public Orbfest? Here’s a cheat sheet of priority things to think of and a checklist of things to try next year when you have more lead time. That idea for the writing mentorship you want to get off the ground? Here, fill out this stack of forms for the US Department of Labor and I’ll fast-track you to being allowed to offer recognized internship opportunities. This was certainly a good problem to have, but it also meant the carefully planned timeline of events I had sketched out for the year suddenly all jumped at the same time and snowballed faster than I or any other person could have feasibly kept up. My organized plan of how things were supposed to progress turned into a cluster heap of ideas and opportunities that there just wasn’t enough time to follow up on.
Which is what brings me to my point: What the last year taught me, more than anything else, was that sometimes, you have to just roll with it. Plans are a good thing to have, as they provide the structure and support you need to make decisions and keep things moving. But the thing about plans is that they aren’t set in stone; they can’t be. One can’t plan for people with no real stake in a project to go above and beyond to help out of the goodness of their heart. One can’t plan for the stars to magically align so that the right acquaintances stumble into the right book shop on the right day for one to make their pitch. The world doesn’t work that way,** and those who count on it to are bound to be disappointed.
But more disappointing are the ones who miss out on on the joyful, serendipitous moments because they were so caught up in what wasn’t going according to plan. I’ve been guilty of this, as am sure have most of the people who read this blog. And everyone’s neurosis is their own – mine stem from a youth of being told everything I did, said, or thought were fundamentally wrong, to the point where I don’t even like sharing simple opinions outside of a very select group of trusted friends. I swear I spend more time practicing how to react to different potential questions in hypothetical conversations than I do actually talking with people – great for writing, but it’s hard not to feel there’s something being missed there. And it doesn’t need to be like that. Plans are useful in many ways, but to quote Mandy Hale (the inspiration for this week’s Monday Motivation, for those of you who follow my Tweeter), “You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes, you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens.”
Or in other words, just roll with it.
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*Yes, that was an actual description of me from about this time last year. As you can see, I’m still entertained by it.
**Unless you’re me.
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