“To tell you the whole truth,” he said, “I was in two minds about risking that trip. I figured all week I’d drive out for you,but when I looked at the thermometer I came pretty near deciding against it.”
“Why didn’t you?” Laura asked.
“Well, I was starting out in the cutter, and I pulled up in front of Fuller’s to look at the thermometer. The mercury was all down in the bulb, below forty, and the wind blowing colder every minute. Just then Cap Garland came by. He saw me there, ready to go to Brewster’s for you, and looking at that thermometer. So he looked at it, and you know how he grins? Well, as he was going on into Fuller’s, he just said to me over his shoulder, ‘God hates a coward.'”
“So you came because you wouldn’t take a dare?” Laura asked.
“No, it wasn’t a dare,” Almanzo said. “I just figured he was right.”
-Laura Ingalls Wilder, in These Happy Golden Years
Every Sunday when I bake our bread for the week, there is a particular silicone spatula I use solely for bread baking time. It’s a little small, even for my hands, pretty pink with a cartoonish pig’s face at the end of the handle. It was given to me as a wedding gift by the young daughter of some friends, and I think of her every time I use it. The girl, we’ll call her Marcie, has absolutely no idea about the series of events she set in motion when she was born eleven years ago, or how important it turned out to be in my life. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I was a senior in high school when Marcie was born. Her father was a former teacher of mine who had taken on the role of a mentor for me at a time when I really needed one – for you Boy Meets World fans, think Mr. Feeney, but better dressed. He and his wife were already the proud parents of two boys, so when we found out early in the week that he would be out for the birth of a daughter, I wanted to do something special. With the principal’s blessing, that Friday afternoon after classes ended Critter the custodian let me into the classroom to bedeck the whole thing with pink balloons, banners, and streamers.
I was just finishing taping the last balloon bouquet in the corner when I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I remember turning around to find my friend standing square in the doorway, staring blankly into the room like he’d just landed on the moon. He looked paler than usual, and dark circles under his eyes gave away a lack of sleep the past few days. What could only have been a minute seemed much longer as he silently stood there, slowly gazing around the room, until finally he looked at me. “Pink?”
“You’d better get used to it.”
What happened after that is what stands out in my mind the most. To this day I’m not entirely sure what happened. My friend had started recounting the standard baby stats – length, weight, etc – as he walked over to his desk, and I remember him saying “Mommy and baby are okay now” when he suddenly stopped cold. His eyes got huge, knuckles turning white as his fingers gripped the edge of the desk for support. He stopped breathing for a moment as the tears welled up. I asked what was wrong, and when he couldn’t answer I started to panic. I was not used to adults breaking down, and I had absolutely no idea what to do or even what had set this off.
After a few moments of this, he was able to force a few deep breaths and turned to me. “I’m sorry. I…” He forced another deep breath, still trying the quell the tears. “I almost lost her. It’s okay now, she’s okay and the baby’s okay but I almost lost her and I love her and I have absolutely no idea what I would do if she weren’t here. Thank God she is okay. I don’t ever want to lose her. Thank God…thank God…”
A lot of important ideas came out of that day. The first is that even the strongest people we know have fears, even if they very rarely show it. Everyone has their kryptonite, and the strongest people often carry the heaviest burdens. The second thing I learned is that sometimes letting others share that burden, even if they just listen while you let out what’s been bottled up, can make you stronger. After that day, I could see my friend more as the person he is, because I knew from where he drew his strength. The third and most important thing was that right then, sitting in that classroom while my friend pulled himself back together, I decided that I would only get married to someone who loved me as much as my friend truly loved his wife.
And last summer, as we stood in the scorching 106 degree sunshine on my wedding day, my friend was one of only two faces I clearly remember in the sea of loved ones as I kept true to that promise.
So on Sunday afternoons, as I stir in my ingredients with my little pink piggy spatula, I think of Marcie and her parents and how far we’ve all come, and thank God myself for blessing me with so many wonderful people in my life.
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